Dr P asked which side the tinnitus was worse on. Usually the left, I said.
We worked with the first three protocols. I scored pretty well compared to the sluggishness of the fist attempt at these trainings last visit. In Bar form you could see a healthy and satisfactory ( to Dr P) downward trend.
And in the format where tit looks like a multicoloured carpet being woven before your eyes, it was all looking very smooth and coherent indeed - apart from on sudden spike that mystified the Doctor.
Then the final area - the electrodes had been moved over to the right side for the last two. One still remaining glued to the bone behind my left ear (with the milky gel product Dr P was finding it hard to deal with on this warmish day). 'That one monitors your heart. The heart sends a much stronger charge than the brain (I'd heard this in personal development contexts and here was this scientist verifying it!), so we gather that data and subtract it from the brain data.'
This last reading was crazy - very incoherent. Dr P was surprised. I was scoring ok, about 200-odd by the end of the session, but everytime my synapses hit the targets, they jumped back to their scrambled default. 'This proves that your brain agrees with you - the right side monitors the left ear - the tinnitus will seem worse in your left ear.'
The carpet graph looked very jangled, a weaving machine gone wrong. I thought about the jangled nerves I had when my neighbours played techno - the way my skin prickled and I walked about the flat as if on knives - the time I first manifested tinnitus, a whole 13 years ago.
A bit of me is afraid that the tinnitus will go - strange to admit, I know but it's a real sensation, it's like: miracles will be possible, world-view overturned, scary!
But of course I'd love to hear quiet again.
Sitting typing this today - right ear much quieter. left ear still audible, perhaps more like 7 than the 8 I gave it in the consulting room on Tuesday.
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