I heard my brain singing

Just have to say - this blog has to be the best kept secret in the world. It's deliberate. I am not yet sure what purpose these blogs can serve...andhats offto all frequent bllog writers, I am finding my writing feet here. I can do comedy in shows and even write plays. writing in 'article' style is a new art to master.

My last visit with Dr P was last month. I have been kept busy with directing adn promotingmy next teaching show and writing enough material to do an hour-long sharing of the new show- in-development...

On the 26th Jun, Dr P ran a different programme or protocol to usual. The last time she ran it it was completely silent, she later told me. 

It started up and I was looking for the usual bar graphs or carpet/tapestry graph  and listening to the clunks and cheeps of the regular programmes.

Instead I heard choral harmonics.... something like the soundtrack of an art-science-fiction film (like the original Solaris). That is your brain said Dr P.

It's singing I said.

I guess there's a lot credit due the makers of the machinery....but this was beautiful...I wish I had taken more notes. The tones changed sounds, to that of violas, later muted brass and violin. Surges, pauses, crescendos. Different combinations of timbres came and went like beautiful clouds of colour.

I came away with a new awareness that inside my skull is this delicious twin halved, soft and elicate network of intricate and shifting connections. The beauty of those octopi or squid whose skins shimmers with changing light. The word Brain had aways shown me a graphic image before - a two-dimension and, profile view, in grey, black and white. It's an opal made of tissue and blood. It's delicate, it's creative it's forever in movement and it's alive.

bright brain underneath it all

Dr P lent me a gizmo called 'alphastim'. It stimulates the good alpha waves.
When we did the first protocol, she was thrilled at the improvement.  
Two sets of waves were at the new good level. A remarkable change from previously.
I have to admit I have been feeling calmer and calmer as I have been using it (once a day for 20mins each time), although it's always hard for me to tell what to credit with changes because I usually have about 3 new practices on the go at any one same time.
That morning, yesterday, Monday 14th I had woken up with a still, thoughtless brain. Smooth. Easy. What peace and joy. Also the night before, Sunday, I felt that 'I' had discovered the knack of calming my brain at night by choosing to be in my body as a preparation for sleep.


Well yesterday I had to pack up the cute little alphastim gadget and it's wires into its polystyrene pack and into it's cardboard box and take it back to Dr Parkinson.

Last night in bed my brain was hopping- having all sorts of ideas of the new order for the show I will be doing July 7th. I chose to go to body but it felt like a jangly buzz also. Missing the alphastim! I persisted and al least refused to get anxious about the sleeplessness. Eventually I slept.


I mentioned to Dr P on Monday that I noticed I am still having this problem: I want to say 16th July, for example, and what comes out of my mouth is 'the 6th February' - ie some other random date and month. I only realise when my listener repeats to em what I have said. 'That's the visual part of your brain said Dr P. We visualise the calendar or the activity or the word/concept before speaking it.


She moved the electrodes and replaced them on the left front side of my head. Some were also attached behind my ear.


The brain pattern still showed the improvement but there was a part of the pattern that Dr P said was 'out of order!' A vibration that should have read around 30 was off the scale at 100. Brain was trying to regulate and scoring well enough but then the level would shoot back up again. We did three new protocols like this. Vindicating to see that the problem has a visual representation in the various bar and line graphs that Dr P's computer throws up (and therefore a 'reality'). And of course gratifying that this might be fixable.

She also said you have a 'bright brain underneath it all'. Buried treasure. Might I become as genius as i would like? Bring it on!

I asked Dr P - how come I can (albeit with effort) member my lines in the show and she said that was a trained memory, with various stimulators eg sense memory involved.


It will be a remarkable thing if i can trust my memory - trust my spontaneous speaking to a new level.


While I was there Dr P asked how my tinnitus was and I said still there - but also noted that until she asked I had not been aware of it. Interesting. It does seem to be softer, too.

gap

Had a long gap between visits to Dr P. In December I managed to give myself three blows on the head, two of them on the one day.

Most recent stupid thing I did was to not remember the bus route I needed to take to get to an appointment.
A friend was here last night speaking of the theories of Kant and Lacan. I wonder if my brain could even hold that kind of knowledge, those kinds of distinctions.

Last session with Dr P, something interesting. 'Do you have allergies?' She said, looking at the screen. I mentioned that I had just been rehearsing in a very dusty room on the weekend up in Birmingham. She said: 'Yes, I can see.' The brain was all upset about it.
 

Dr P has given me a machine called AlphaStim to use for 20 minutes everyday for 2 months. To remove anxiety, apparently. Of which I had had a lot recently.

I hope it works.